TODAY'S ENGLISH

So I met this guy in a club the other night...
The way he spoke to me made me step back, look at him, boy did that give me a fright.
He was looking good from the shoulder to the waist,
But his head was in a 2020 style, from his waist down...man...was just a disgrace.
Shoes matching a color in his hair, jumbo classes on his face, age below average,
All was put on the back-burner when he decided to amuse me...matter of fact...confuse me with his language.

He said "bay-bay, ah was looking at you an said WTF,
Yuh be ah angel ah get ah stiff one, look down ah holding meh 'co.."
Ah man dey vibesing yuh, yuh bussing style...BWDMCIT....
Yuh be ma darling, before d night ova ah gone give yuh ah big special kiss.
LOL, just wah spend some time with yuh, get to know yuh inside out,
Opps meh padna calling meh...BRB...BTW...ah hope yuh from south".

So off he went with his psychedelic self...to the bar to get a drink,
My mouth still open...looking on in wonder...'I hope he don't come back' I think.
Thought wasted... before I could make a move to leave, here he comes with company,
Another character.....good grief....this getting weirder... looking like somebody nobody.
I brace myself for the onslaught of nonsensical conversation, too polite to run away from,
I looked left..then right...seeing a friend I signaled her to save me...'to come'

"Ma bay bay...ah see we doin d double datin ting t'night,
Here is ma horse...lol... I see you got yuh bitch everyting tight an arright.
We drinkin fire wata..wah yuh havin boo?...lemme quess...ah stag,
Look like yuh go have to go get yuh own drink, if yuh want ah culd hld yuh bag.
LMAO...I just kicksing, bad man doh hold oman purse, OMG..ah want tuh piss,
Imma git yuh dis rounds... next one on you and yuh bitch, still waiting fuh da kiss."

Staring in wonder, my friend turned to the side...looked me dead in the face,
'Woman!!! you must be tripping, thinking I going and hangout with this unappetizing lump of disgrace."
Grinning from ear to ear the guy looked as if he just got a compliment,
While his friend bowed his head, took a step back, on his face....visible embarassment.
To top it off Mr. Psychedelic pulled out a cigarette, lit it there and then,
'Lemme blow yuh a kiss, a smokey heart, to chille yuh uptight arse', he said to my friend.

'I doh see waz d fuss about, allyuh oman like t make t'much style...is ah simplistic ting,
Dressin up like dat an doh expect man tuh holler...as if ah asking to give yuh ah ring.
I man just on ah level vibes WTF......I black...you black...no need to ben-an-screw,
Cheupss....gettin on like yuh all that...me, I done here yes...I goin an look for another crew.'
Now what the hell was that, I did not understand half of what he said,
I guess this it the new way to communicate...less sensible words...more abbreviations instead.