IS THIS IT?

How do you move on from past misfortunes when it pops up at unexpected times?
How do you deal with reality, when against you people have committed atrocious crimes?

Do you forgive, forget and move on with your life?
Or do you face the issues, consequences no matter the price.

How do you live when all you want is love, compassion, honesty?
But instead, is being hurt, compromised, and made to feel filthy.

Is it me, my actions, my personality, that brings this out...I'm confused?
Despite all else I try to give honesty, passion, but still end up used and abused.

I know that I am partially to blame for some of my mishaps,
Wrong choices, loneliness, desperation perhaps.

Emotions I try to keep at bay as best as I can,
By not dealing with them, not facing them, until I come up with that perfect plan.

Putting them in a box, in a closet, on the top shelf, way to the back,
But I guess that closet has become over-filled, everything spilling out,all on the rack.

What was hidden is now visible on my face,
In my demeanor, my attitude, I no longer portray that subtle grace.

Words are harsher, persona harder, heart ice cold, eyes lifeless,
Not trusting, not believing, not accepting that despite all, my life is priceless.

That in itself is another issue God has decided to test me with,
Making it painful, unbearable, fearful of physical interaction in case I get hit.

Daily activities I once took joy in completing, even when complaining,
Has now become a task, a struggle, a fight...there's pain, Lord too much pain.

I question if He hears me, if He loves me, is this punishment for sins in the past?
If he wants my humility...if it's just a phase? How long can I endure, how long will it last?

Not able to verbally express.......Mental stability.....hmmmnnn...question???
Emotional meltdown, physical breakdown...no longer living my life with that passion.

God please hear my cry. I'm asking...begging.....to just let it end,
I have transgressed, this I know...or just give me the strength to re-start, to mend.

I know you never give your children more than they can bear,
But I am toeing the line..of my own thoughts, I have this great fear.

So much have been forcefully taken away, have been lost...torn away from my me,
I know this is not the way it's supposed to be, I want back my life...I want to hold on, can't you see?

TODAY'S ENGLISH

So I met this guy in a club the other night...
The way he spoke to me made me step back, look at him, boy did that give me a fright.
He was looking good from the shoulder to the waist,
But his head was in a 2020 style, from his waist down...man...was just a disgrace.
Shoes matching a color in his hair, jumbo classes on his face, age below average,
All was put on the back-burner when he decided to amuse me...matter of fact...confuse me with his language.

He said "bay-bay, ah was looking at you an said WTF,
Yuh be ah angel ah get ah stiff one, look down ah holding meh 'co.."
Ah man dey vibesing yuh, yuh bussing style...BWDMCIT....
Yuh be ma darling, before d night ova ah gone give yuh ah big special kiss.
LOL, just wah spend some time with yuh, get to know yuh inside out,
Opps meh padna calling meh...BRB...BTW...ah hope yuh from south".

So off he went with his psychedelic self...to the bar to get a drink,
My mouth still open...looking on in wonder...'I hope he don't come back' I think.
Thought wasted... before I could make a move to leave, here he comes with company,
Another character.....good grief....this getting weirder... looking like somebody nobody.
I brace myself for the onslaught of nonsensical conversation, too polite to run away from,
I looked left..then right...seeing a friend I signaled her to save me...'to come'

"Ma bay bay...ah see we doin d double datin ting t'night,
Here is ma horse...lol... I see you got yuh bitch everyting tight an arright.
We drinkin fire wata..wah yuh havin boo?...lemme quess...ah stag,
Look like yuh go have to go get yuh own drink, if yuh want ah culd hld yuh bag.
LMAO...I just kicksing, bad man doh hold oman purse, OMG..ah want tuh piss,
Imma git yuh dis rounds... next one on you and yuh bitch, still waiting fuh da kiss."

Staring in wonder, my friend turned to the side...looked me dead in the face,
'Woman!!! you must be tripping, thinking I going and hangout with this unappetizing lump of disgrace."
Grinning from ear to ear the guy looked as if he just got a compliment,
While his friend bowed his head, took a step back, on his face....visible embarassment.
To top it off Mr. Psychedelic pulled out a cigarette, lit it there and then,
'Lemme blow yuh a kiss, a smokey heart, to chille yuh uptight arse', he said to my friend.

'I doh see waz d fuss about, allyuh oman like t make t'much style...is ah simplistic ting,
Dressin up like dat an doh expect man tuh holler...as if ah asking to give yuh ah ring.
I man just on ah level vibes WTF......I black...you black...no need to ben-an-screw,
Cheupss....gettin on like yuh all that...me, I done here yes...I goin an look for another crew.'
Now what the hell was that, I did not understand half of what he said,
I guess this it the new way to communicate...less sensible words...more abbreviations instead.

THINGS I LOOK FOR IN A MAN

**** A HEAD ****
- Which must posses a logical, intellectual BRAIN....
Open to new ideas, to constructive criticism, to knowledge.

**** EYES ****
- Able to see what is visible and look for what is not.....
Must not be clouded with the mucus of the ignorant and 'blind.

**** NOSE ****
- To smell the fragrance of God's creations....
Not to be turned up in disdain at life's uncertainties.

**** LIPS, TONGUE, MOUTH ****
- To be used as instruments of pleasure, education, elevation....
Not an instrument of deceit and lies.

**** NECK ****
- The keep the head that posses the brain, upright with pride despite......

**** SHOULDERS ****
- There to be lent as a 'prop' in times of need, want....
And to accept congratulatory pats. (modestly of course)

**** CHEST ****
- Strong, reliable, able to protect whats inside.

**** HANDS, ARMS ****
- Open to give a hug, hold.....Gentle enough to offer strokes of pleasure, comfort , intimacy....
Yet strong enough to offer a firm grip of support.

**** HEART ****
- Open to accept the unseen, the questioned, the goodness of the Lord....
Forgive, love....appreciate what is most times taken for granted.

**** BACK ****
- Upright and able to accommodate the numerous 'knives' that are sometimes plunged in it....
And still be as gracious and sensitive as ever.

**** SPINE ****
- Straight, Strong, Resilient...
Spine made of BONE....not tooth-pick.

**** BUTT ****
- Prefer it not bigger than mine.....
But a lil cushion never hurt before.

**** PENIS ****
- To be used as responsible recreational, entertainment, and reproduction purposes.....
NOT TO THINK WITH. (Quality and class over Quantity...if you know what I mean )

**** THIGH, LEGS, KNEES ****
- Flexible, sturdy....supports the entire system.

**** FEET ****
- Well planted to the ground...
Willing to tread that long, narrow-winded road (bare-feet if need be)

**** TOES ****
Well PEDICURED.

**** PERSONALITY ****
- Sense of humor, sensitive, kind, genuine, stable...
An asset...not a liability.
Willing to compromise as much as compromising another.

THE GAMES WE PLAY

I want to be with you but......
I need to think about it so.....
You want to stop it...CUT...
You need to be real....NO...
Words and warning sign,
Yet we persist on being blind.

When locked in togetherness, the world is perfect,
We fool ourselves and say 'this is real, this is a gift'.
STOP, STEP BACK, look through anothers' eyes,
What was so evasive, just got cleared up, as our own heart cries.
The lies, the truth, the inuendos, the facts,
Only helps to confuse...logic aside, emotions just act.

Kisses once passionate, the words of undying love our tongues spoke,
Intimacy once fulfilling, when over, we roll over, get up...poof...gone up in smoke.
Tests that were never there before, seem all so prevalent,
But when questions are asked....we make it seem irrelevant.
Always available to chat and make each other smile,
Suddenly we have so many things to do, communication will be cut for a while.

Yet we try to hold on, creating our hero, our king, our queen,
Settling for lesser than what was intended....our soul-mate, our dream.
We then question our choices, doubting our judgement, second guessing what is,
Trying to distinguish fact from fiction, logic from emotion, confusing....is this a quiz???
Chances are taken, heart is then open, we say 'it is what it is'..is it?
Wanting that feeling, that ultimate satisfaction of being hit by love..bit by bit.

Fairy tale lives, they say have no place in the real world,
We get hurt, get up, dust off..and continue persuing our goal.
Why is it so difficult to be honest with ourselves in the game we call love?
Only making it more difficult, frustrating, asking unnecessary questions from the Man above.
Hiding, lying, pretending, procastinating, fooling, controlling....
When we only need to know the truth, what is expected....each other knowing.

We then get our lives entangled in a web, undesirable at best,
We beat at ourselves, angry at failing our own stupid egosistical test.
Angry at the world...mostly at the opposite sex,
When it's we ourselves who put us in this -OUR- uncompromising mess.
Heart hardened, scarstic outlook, looking for a better way,
But we suffer our own consequences, pay the price, for THE GAMES WE PLAY

I RISE

You may write me down in your little black with your bitter twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt, but still like dust I RISE.

You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes,
You may hurt me with your hatefullness, but still like air I RISE.

You may condemn and judge, and treat me for a while like a prize,
You may suffocate and hate, but still like helium I RISE.

You may pierce my back, my heart, assuming a gracious and loving disguise,
You may assault my emotions and my pride, but still like hope I RISE.

You may do anything you want to do, tilt my boat till it capsize,
You may try to bring me down, turn me around, but still like steam I RISE.

You may strive on my insecurities, look at past faults, and theorize,
You may assault my ambitions, but like the sun, still I RISE.

You may assume me to be anything but a priority, your intentions you need to revise,
You may trample, and stamp, bury me in the ground, but like the holy spirit still I RISE

(built around the first verse, which I heard in a song)

FRIEND FOR LIFE

He's the one I can rely on,
To let me know when I'm going wrong.
He's there for me when I thought I didn't need him,
Been at my side, when things were tough - through thick and thin.
Never failed to let me know when I messed up,
Sometimes he's a bit harsh...but I won't ever want him to stop.

There was a point when helplessness stepped in and started taking over,
But he'd hold me in his arms and say...'never give up babes....never'.
From his ambitions I find inspiration and motivation,
From his experiences I get solace, experience desired optimism.
Always one to lend a a word of advice, always honest at best,
His time is never to precious, he always express his interest.

Nothing is difficult for him to do, nowhere too far to go,
When I'm on my emotional breakdowns, his only advice 'take it slow'.
Never one to judge my associations, affilliations, or otherwise,
He'd be there to help celebrate, or pick up the pieces of my shattered life.
Tears of pain, hurt, anger, with him I have not experienced,
Just joy, laughter, filll my life, with his mere presence.

With all the praises heaped on him, he's no saint, mind you,
At times he pisses me off...because what he says most times comes true.
Modesty he always portrays when I look upon his face,
But I know in his mind it's 'I told you so' he says.
Nevertheless, on any given day he can be looked upon for solid advice,
To be be my advisor, my confidant, my Best friend ever so wise.

It seems he's been there forever, and will be there forever after,
To pick up, help build, protect, comfort, and share bundles of laughter.
A friend like this is to cherish, treasure, and hold on to for all your life,
To give to, as much as has been given, without a murmur, or feeling of strife.
Relationships may come and go in the blink of an eye,
But our friendship is worth more than that, it's not something you can buy.

So in case I neglected to tell you recently, I'm doing it now,
I appreciate you, I love you (although I sometimes feel to tell you to mine a cow).
Just kidding...Without those words of encouragement don't know where I'd be,
I thank God for you, for me being able to accept what has been said and finally see.
To your family I also give kudos...'cause no man is an island, you are not alone,
My FRIEND FOR LIFE you have been good to me, never far away, just a call from my phone.

PERSEVERANCE

Everything was perfect, life was good,
She got everything that any woman should.
House, car, baby on the way,
Hopes and dreams of life still better than today.
Then suddenly things took a turn for the worse,
From having it all, to no money in her purse.

Hospital saw her more times than not,
There was a place in the ward that was reserved 'her spot'.
Pain, tears, 'What's going on???',
Not even the experts could say what was wrong.
Prayer and family is what got her through,
She left after a few weeks...still broken...but somewhat anew.

Reflection, Contemplation, Evaluation as well,
How can she get the bad images out her head.
Determined and persistent to correct the wrong,
Questions were asked as to what could be done.
'Forgiveness is the way to improvement' they said,
Armed with this advice...with a smile she ventured ahead.

Education, work, quickly followed,
Things began to look up....it no longer seemed hallowed.
Love was a distant and elusive dream,
She settled for less....hmmnnnn...you know what I mean.
As expected it was nice but fortunately short lived,
So much was taken away, there was nothing more for her to give.

Then one day, unexpectedly, out of nowhere he came,
Ambitious, Passionate, as Driven as his name.
Persistent, Egotistical, Unrelenting in his pursuit,
Strong, Open-minded, and down-right 'frigginly' cute.
With hurt, anger, distrust put aside,
She dived head-long, with a peaceful and open mind.

Disaster once again struck in the wink of an eye,
Credits go to another driver....a young, inexperienced and timid guy.
Bruised ribs, fractured writs...she got banged up a bit,
But the worse was yet to come, it was worse than that hit.
'Terminal' and 'Illness' two words she never paid no mind,
Now it's being said 'your illness is one-of-a-kind.

Given circumstances, relationship gone bad,
But he's always there, will always be there...the best friend she ever had.
Determined to be optimistic and as positive as can be,
She visits 'homes'...and says 'wow...that could've been me'.
Renewed and with a brand new sense of purpose,
Her health, her life, her well-being..now her focus.
God, friends, family, strangers, loved ones,
Has been her inspiration, strength, purpose to go on.

THERE'S A LONG ROAD AHEAD...HER JOURNEY HAS JUST BEGUN,
BUT THE HORIZON NO LONGER SEEMS UNREACHABLE.